How I Broke Communication Barriers to Bridge Gaps

Communication barriers are hampering all attempts at civil discourse. It is happening in society and in the church. How do we handle these barriers?

What are common barriers?

The primary barrier to good communication is the failure to listen. Other barriers include the desire to win the argument, refusing to change our perspective, refusing to accept contrary evidence to our perspective and a distrust for anyone who doesn’t think like we do.

Here are the three strategies I employ

Find common ground

A couple of years ago, I had a series of discussions with various people about a sensitive and emotional political issue. I was in partial agreement with each of them so that was the starting point of our discussion. One of the conversations progressed to the point where there was no agreement between us, yet we continued to talk in a civil manner.

I probed for common ground and found myself able to make strong points that the other person could agree with, even if he would never make those points himself.

Be careful on common ground, however. For example, in the United States right now, we have a strong partisan divide. There is unusual common ground, though. One issue that both parties agree on – the freedom of our nation is at stake. Unfortunately, both sides hold that the other will destroy our freedoms!

It would be extraordinarily difficult to start with this as common ground and attempt to bridge the gap!

Listen

When I say listen, I am not just referring to the conversation you are having at that moment, I am referring to listening as a way of life. We ought to be listening to all the voices around us. Really hearing what people say and how they feel. We need to listen to contrary points of view and strive to understand the rationale behind those views.

I spend a great deal of time listening to various perspectives: conservative, liberal, foreign and domestic. By knowing and working to understand these perspectives, I find that common ground is easier to find.

Listening is a skill that starts with a determination to talk less and focus on what others are actually saying and comprehending what they mean with their words.

Listening is perfected when we learn to put aside our emotions and refuse to make emotional responses to people.

Gentle but firm

When we speak, we should be gentle.

A soft answer turns away wrath,

      but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 15:1 (ESV)

When emotion runs high in conversations, little can be communicated and even less accomplished. To be gentle in our own speech does not mean we are weak or uncertain. It is possible to be gentle but firm.

We must respond in a way that excludes insults (‘that’s a stupid idea’), judges or condemns. Instead, we should positively and gently press our perspective while acknowledging the validity of other’s perspectives. Conviction expressed in calm unemotional terms is powerful.

In today’s world, we hear much inflammatory language. There are words and phrases used to caricature those who do not agree with us. It is common to vilify those whose perspective is different than ours. This is the way of the world.

It should never be the way of a follower of Jesus. We are called to treat others with respect and dignity. We extend the mercy and grace of God even to those who insult and persecute us.

Are we there yet?

I confess that I have not perfected the art of overcoming all communication barriers. This is a process that requires consistent attention and conscientious effort. If everyone would work to overcome communication barriers the world would certainly be a better place. We still wouldn’t agree on everything but we wouldn’t be feeding the desire to destroy those with whom we disagree.