Talk – What’s Coming Out of Your Mouth?

We must talk. It is one the most basic building blocks of effective communication. Do you want your talk to be effective and good? Here is how you can make that possible. 

Your talk can be toxic or it can be energizing. It can be destructive or it can change the world for good. If you want to improve the quality of your words, you have to start with recognizing your own talk. There are two general characteristics of everything that has ever been said. Here they are.

Destructive Talk

We live in a world where destructive talk is becoming more common. Consider these descriptors of destructive talk. Every one of these descriptors springs from problems with how we think, so I’ll cover that in a minute, too.

Negative. When talk is negative is squelches progress and creativity. It destroys hopes and dreams. It discourages and derails.

Crude and obscene. There is an increase is this type of talk. We see more of it in the media and entertainment industries, in literature and daily conversation. Many see this as liberating, finally allowing them to fully express themselves. However, for those who are following Jesus, this talk does not emulate the one we follow.

Insulting and denigrating. The expression of hatred and contempt is moving into daily life. However, these words absolutely destroy those they are aimed at. So many children are scarred for life because of the words that have been directed at them.

Critical and judgmental. The point of this kind of talk is to put someone down. So many times these words are petty but they are always hurtful. When we judge, we display our own weakness. Frequently these words are used to make us feel better about ourselves.

Faithless. Can God do anything? Can he use anyone? Based on what I have heard from too many who call themselves Christians, maybe not! Talk that is not in tune with God’s infinite power, mercy and grace is faithless – and destructive.

We have all been guilty of destructive talk. We need to get to the root of it and we will do that in a minute but first the other characteristic of talk.

Constructive Talk

Whatever talk is not destructive is constructive. Constructive talk makes our world a better place. It allows us to disagree in a civil manner. It helps us grow and create and accelerate positive change.  Here are some descriptors of constructive talk.

Positive. This seems obvious, doesn’t it? When people send positive talk in our direction, things change. In the most difficult situations, positive talk can empower us to move forward.

Encouraging. Building people up with our words of genuine encouragement is important. To encourage is to give people courage to move forward. Encouragement is not manipulative (that is flattery) but is genuine when it is unconditional.

Wise. Since God is the giver of wisdom, we should be dispensers of the wisdom he gives us. The Bible is full of wisdom and we should strive to pass that wisdom on. Wisdom arms us for the challenges of life.

Faithful. When we believe that God can do anything, our talk should reflect that belief. Faithful talk reflects the reality that God really wants to do the ‘impossible’ and usually uses us to do it!

We all need to strive for more constructive talk. We need to increase our constructive words while decreasing our destructive words. In order to do this, we must recognize the root or origin of our words.

Work on the Root

The root of our talking life is our thought life. We must recognize the things that are contributing to our thought life. Consider these three common, but mostly negative, sources that feed our thought life.

Entertainment. There is positive entertainment but negative entertainment is more popular. Conflict, rage and anger, frustration, darkness, immorality, futility, failure and despair are common components of popular entertainment. While the ‘good guy’ may win out in the end, the trail of destruction remains and it feeds our minds.

Gossip. So much talk is focused on gossip. Gossip by its nature is destructive. Gossip focuses on what someone is doing that is wrong or questionable. That also feeds our minds with negative ideas and thoughts, even if they are in error.

Social media. So much of what is shared on social media is just hi-tech gossip! Social media is loaded with questionable content that purports to be news or real truth. It is full of rumors, slander and hate. There is also a lot of good on social media so we must be careful to filter our consumption and train ourselves to disregard those things we should not be consuming.

Of course, there are other negative things that feed our thought life, but this is a starting point for us to begin to recognize them.

Feed the Root for Good

Here are four things you can do to feed your thought life for a healthy talk life!

Worship. There is a powerful transformation when we participate in worship. When we wholeheartedly give ourselves in adoration and celebration of God, his presence changes us. Our trials and troubles shrink in the face of his majesty. We are lifted up. We are filled with faith and remind ourselves that all things are possible.

Prayer. We can unload our hearts in prayer. God hears us and gives us assurance and comfort. We should also pray for help to be more constructive with our talk, to bolster our faith and be more like Jesus.

Sacred music. Listening to music that helps usher us into God’s presence lifts us up. Music is so powerful because it appeals to the heart and the mind. There is something about music and rhythm that helps us remember the positive words sung.

Bible reading.  The Bible is full of good things to feed our minds. Here are some:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Philippians 4:8 (ESV)

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Ephesians 4:29 (ESV)

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.

James 1:19 (ESV)

5 Essential Keys to Better Talk

What can you do right now to improve your talk? Here are five very effective building blocks to help you become fully engaged with constructive talk.

Acknowledge that words are powerful. Our words can be weapons to destroy or tools to heal. Which would you rather do?

Instead of justifying, repent. I have heard it too many times. “That’s just the way I am.” But it’s not the way you have to be! Stop destroying people with your words. Decide that is not how you are going to communicate anymore and embrace a constructive approach to what you say.

Take one day to listen. If you are prone to talk all the time, you are more likely to say something you regret later. So, take a day to listen! You might find that people have good things to say. One of my personal frustrations is to be in a ‘conversation’ with someone that is really a monologue with me as the audience. Even though I tend to be quiet, I do have something to say once in a while!

Allow God’s word to change you. His word is more powerful than our words! When you read the Bible and feel convicted, ask God to change you. Your repentance and his power will transform your life, your thoughts, your actions and your talk.

Think before you speak. Use this acronym to check your speech. Before you say something ask these questions. Is it:

True?

Helpful?

Inspirational?

Necessary?

Kind?

If it can’t pass this test, it probably doesn’t need to be said!

Your Turn

We can all work to improve our talk. What will you do today? I’d love to hear from you.